Constructive Criticism: Why We Don’t Use it (and What We Do Instead)

Feedback is tricky. Most of us want to get better at giving better effective feedback, as well as taking feedback better. But—much like going to the gym, eating healthy or stopping ourselves from doom-scrolling—doing feedback well takes a bit of effort.

If you’re here because you want to learn how to give constructive criticism, you’ve probably come across the term before. It’s often presented as a method to deliver negative feedback in a way that’s helpful and actionable. 

But as you’ll see, the reality is a bit more complicated.

What is constructive criticism?

At its best, constructive criticism is supposed to be a skilful way to deliver negative feedback in a way that helps individuals improve without knocking them down. Ideally, it should be:

• Balanced:  Acknowledging both the positive aspects and areas needing improvement
• Specific:  Providing specific examples of the behaviour that needs adjusting
• Actionable:  Offering clear, practical steps for improvement
• Growth-Oriented: Focusing on helping someone improve, not tearing them down
• Supportive: Be delivered with good intentions and in a friendly tone

Sounds ideal, right?

But here’s the thing: the human brain doesn’t process feedback like a machine. Even with the best intentions, constructive criticism has some fundamental flaws that trip us up before we even start.

The Pros and Cons of Constructive Criticism

While constructive criticism has some strengths, it’s not without challenges. Let’s look at both sides.

Pros of constructive criticism:

• Encourages Improvement: Done well, it can genuinely motivate someone to improve
• Clear and Actionable: By offering specific suggestions and actionable advice, it gives you something clear to work with, which is much better than vague feedback without any clear ideas on how to improve
• Balanced Feedback: Acknowledging strengths and areas for improvement can make the conversation feel more like a collaboration than a critique, and puts any negative criticism in perspective

Cons of constructive criticism:

• Triggers Defensiveness: Despite the “constructive” part, the word criticism itself can set off alarm bells. Our brains are wired to perceive criticism as a threat, which is why our immediate response is to protect ourselves. Instead of accepting the feedback, our default reaction would be to prove the negative feedback wrong.
• Over-focus on Delivery: This approach places a lot of emphasis on how feedback is delivered but can miss the crucial part—how it’s received
• Misses Emotional Impact: Constructive criticism doesn’t always account for the recipient’s emotional state or mental health, which can alter how they process and respond to the feedback

The most obvious issue with this model is in the name itself: constructive criticism.

You’ve probably noticed this in yourself, but when we hear “constructive criticism,” we often hear criticism first and constructive second (if we hear it at all). Why would anyone want to be criticized? And when our defenses go up, it’s hard to receive anything properly, no matter how well-framed the feedback is.

Why it’s difficult to give and receive feedback

We’ve run several group workshops with clients on how to give and receive constructive feedback, and the struggles people face are pretty universal. No matter the industry or team size, the same blockers tend to surface:

Top challenges in giving feedback:

1. Seizing the moment: Difficulty in giving feedback in the moment and not after the fact
2. Being concise and unbiased: Struggling to give more concise feedback and to remove personal bias
3. Being direct: Wanting to improve on being more direct while delivering feedback

Top challenges in receiving feedback:

1. Taking it personally: It’s hard not to take criticism personally, especially when it’s called “criticism”
2. Managing emotions: Hearing and understanding feedback while managing emotional reactions is challenging for most. In fact, if you feel too stressed or overwhelmed, it actually becomes physically impossible to take any feedback, because your frontal lobe (the area responsible for rational thinking) shuts down as your survival brain kicks in to defend you against the perceived psychological “attack”.
3. Defensiveness: If we are too overwhelmed, it can be hard—or near impossible—to resist the urge to shut down or become defensive when hearing constructive feedback

In our experience, no amount of techniques will make feedback effective if we don’t consider the most crucial element: the relationship between the giver and the receiver.

The Relationship First, Always

At Sanctus, we’ve seen that feedback thrives within a trusting, psychologically safe relationship. Before we talk about performance or behavior, we focus on the relationship quality. Employee feedback is much more likely to lead to positive change when it’s built on a foundation of trust.

Research backs this up. A Harvard Business Review study found that feedback given in the context of a supportive, trusting relationship is not only more effective but also better received. The feedback session becomes less about addressing a mistake and more about continuous improvement and professional development.

The problem with traditional constructive criticism is that it tends to skip this step, jumping straight into solving the issue. That’s why it can feel jarring, even when softened with a few positives or a feedback sandwich. We believe a better approach exists—one that’s more authentic and caring.

Why we use radical candor instead of constructive criticism

Instead of constructive criticism, we use Radical Candor—a concept made famous by Kim Scott.

Radical Candor emphasizes two core things: caring personally and challenging directly. It’s about balancing being honest with being human. If you genuinely care about the person, you don’t sugarcoat the truth. You tell it to them clearly and directly, in a way that makes them feel supported, not attacked.

Radical Candor works because it’s based on trust. Each of us knows this instinctively: we’re more likely to engage and improve in our career, if we feel our managers truly care about our personal development—as corroborated by a study by Zenger Folkman. This kind of helpful feedback isn’t about knocking someone down—it’s about lifting them up by offering guidance that’s both direct and supportive.

How Radical Candor Works

Radical Candor is built on two fundamental principles: caring personally and challenging directly. It’s about showing empathy while being clear and honest. This means you don’t hold back on tough conversations, but you also don’t disconnect from the human aspect of those conversations. When done right, Radical Candor can strengthen relationships, increase trust, and lead to faster, more meaningful improvement.

Caring Personally

This is the foundation of Radical Candor. In fact, it’s the foundation of any good professional relationship. It means genuinely caring about the person—not just as an employee, but as a whole individual (or as we like to say: a “wholebeing”). 

And, it can be hard. It can be hard to care about someone if they annoy you. It can be difficult to want something good for your direct report when they make you angry. In fact, the work of developing empathy has been front and center in many of my coaching sessions.

In our Connected Leadership program, we support leaders to flex their empathy muscles. Because empathy is not simply something we feel—it’s a skill we can develop (and an important leadership skill to have). 

Empathy helps us create incredibly supportive, strong relationships and psychologically safe, flourishing cultures.

Effective constructive feedback, then, starts way before the feedback conversation. It starts with casual exchanges, the small moments of checking-in day-to-day. When you invest in building a relationship where the other person feels safe, valued, and understood, the feedback is much easier to give—and receive. 

It’s all about demonstrating that you’re in their corner, even when you’re having a difficult conversation.

Example:

Imagine you’re a manager in a feedback session with a direct report who’s been consistently late on deadlines.

A “caring personally” approach might start with checking in on how they’re doing outside of work. Maybe there’s a personal issue affecting their performance. By starting with empathy, you’re showing that you care about them as a person, not just their output.

You could say:

I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling with deadlines recently. Is everything okay? I want to make sure you’re feeling supported, and I’m here to help if something’s going on.

This approach helps soften the negative feedback while making it clear that their well-being is as important as their performance. (If you never check in on your direct reports, except when you’re  about to deliver “bad news”, they”ll sense the artificial nature of it. None of us like to be patronized, and there’s a difference between caring personally, and trying to sound caring.) 

Challenging Directly

This is the part where Radical Candor differs from simply being kind or caring. It’s also about offering specific feedback. You’re not doing anyone any favours by avoiding tough conversations or sugarcoating your message. People need to know what needs to change and why it’s important.

Example:

Let’s continue with the same feedback session. After expressing concern and care, you then challenge them directly:

That said, the missed deadlines are affecting the team’s ability to hit our goals. We need to find a way to get you back on track. Let’s discuss what’s going on and how we can fix this.

This kind of directness, paired with personal care, prevents the feedback from feeling like a personal attack. It’s not about “punishing” someone for their mistakes, but about helping them recognize what needs to change.

How to Apply Radical Candor in One-to-Ones

Radical Candor doesn’t only apply when things go wrong. In fact, it works best when it’s part of an ongoing conversation where trust and communication skills are constantly being built.

Here’s how to integrate Radical Candor into your regular one-to-ones:

1. Make it a Regular Practice

Radical Candor works best when it’s not a once-off. Use your one-to-one meetings as an opportunity to regularly check in, and create clearly structured feedback, with a space for open dialogue. This builds a culture of trust, where feedback is expected and welcomed.

2. Offer Feedback in Real-Time

Don’t wait for annual reviews or until things have escalated. Offer feedback in real time, when the context is fresh. This ensures you can provide actionable suggestions as part of your feedback process. For instance, after a meeting where your direct report could have handled a situation differently, provide feedback right after:

In the meeting earlier, I noticed you didn’t give others much space to share their ideas. I know you have a lot of input, but I’d like us to work on creating more room for others to contribute.

3. Ask for Their Perspective

Radical Candor isn’t a monologue. Invite the other person to share their thoughts and feelings. After giving feedback, ask them how they perceive the situation or if they have any suggestions for improvement. For example:

Do you think that’s something you’ve noticed too? What do you think could help with the deadline issue going forward?

4. Give Positive Feedback, Too

Radical Candor isn’t just about calling out problems. Acknowledge the things they’re doing well. Be specific, just as you are with critical feedback. This helps reinforce the positive behaviors you want to see more of.

For instance:

I also want to mention how great your presentation was last week. You did a fantastic job at simplifying complex information. Keep that up—it really makes a difference.

5. Create a Culture of Feedback

Radical Candor thrives when meaningful feedback becomes part of your team’s culture. Encourage your direct reports to give you feedback, too. This shows that you’re also committed to growing and improving, which builds mutual respect.

Example:

At the end of a one-to-one, you might ask:

Is there anything I could be doing differently to support you better?

This not only opens the door for honest conversations but also models the type of feedback culture you want to create.

Why Radical Candor Works

Radical Candor works because it focuses on the relationship first, ensuring the other person knows you care. It combines empathy with clarity, so the recipient feels supported and motivated to improve.

When feedback is delivered through Radical Candor, it’s no longer about pointing out flaws—it’s about creating an environment where continuous improvement is possible.

Moving Forward

The shift away from constructive criticism is part of a larger move toward more relational, supportive approaches to leadership. By prioritizing relationships and delivering feedback that’s honest and caring, we create environments where people can thrive—not just perform.

Ultimately, the goal isn’t to “criticise constructively.” It’s to challenge directly, while caring deeply. That’s the feedback we all want to hear.

Need to upskill your teams to give and receive better feedback?

We have a variety of options to suit your context and budget: from 90-minute one-off workshops, to longer manager skills-training group coaching, to our more tailored, 1-to-1 Connected Leadership coaching program.